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Impatience isn’t the problem. The problem is what happens when it reaches the wheel before awareness does — you start painting the hallway, then the skirting boards, then wonder why the evening’s gone and nothing important got done. Here’s how to let impatience wake you up without letting it run you.
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A long day, a tired family, a hotel reception, and a request for ID I didn’t have. Within seconds my tone had an edge — measured, but no longer neutral. Tiredness doesn’t feel like an emotion. It feels physical. But what it does to the gap between stimulus and response is why so many of…
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One of the more confusing things about boundaries is that doing the right thing doesn’t always feel good afterwards. It can bring mixed feelings. Sometimes a boundary brings relief, calm, clarity, or a sense of protection. Yet it can also leave us feeling heavy, unsettled, guilty, or unexpectedly sad. That can be hard to make…
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Most of us recognise the moment we get snappy. You hear a sharpness in your voice as you respond to something small. The tone comes out more impatient than you intended and within seconds you realise you didn’t want to say it like that. Often the reaction has already happened before awareness arrives. A few…
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One of the most useful things to understand when thinking about reacting vs responding, is The Decision Maker steering wheel always has one of your forces controlling it. In every moment something is driving your behaviour. The question is simply which force is sitting in that seat. Sometimes it’s The Wise. When that happens, decisions…
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Learning how to think before you speak and take action changes the quality of your conversations, your relationships and your reputation. Most tension doesn’t begin with bad intent, it begins with speed. And many of us struggle to slow our mind to firstly listen and secondly be more considered in what we say and do.…
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Every decision you make is influenced by emotion. That makes emotional intelligence vital to living the life you want. Not just obvious feelings like anger or excitement. Even choices that feel logical are shaped by what’s happening internally and by the emotional atmosphere around you. Other people’s frustration, urgency or anxiety can affect your state.…
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For the last 24 hours I’ve felt anxious. Not paralysing, but enough to notice it properly. My head feels foggy, a little scattered and it’s hard to concentrate. I feel mentally off balance and have temporarily lost some capacity. Physically I’m tired in that heavy way where the idea of spending the day in bed…
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I’ve never seen either side of me as a problem. It’s just for a long time I didn’t understand them, and perhaps not fully value my different feelings. I’ve been told I’m ‘too nice’ at times, but also too harsh or distant. Knowing what I do now about myself, I can understand that view when…
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There is always another finish line. Perfectionism keeps us pushing, and over time that push can lead to burnout. I tell myself that once I submit the proposal, sort the house, complete the training block or have the difficult conversation, I’ll finally relax. That’s the finish line illusion at work. Perfectionism convinces me that calm…
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There’s every chance you will live with your difficulties at some level forever – that doesn’t mean they will be prominent all the time. Everyone has ‘issues’, the list of potential ones is long. In my experience we can get really good at recognising poor brain patterns, dysfunctional behaviours and negative feelings. Then become experts…
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What is emotional independence? Emotional independence is a skill within emotional intelligence (EQ). It’s the ability to feel emotional energy, care about others and remain open to connection without your emotional state being controlled or overly influenced by the reactions, moods or behaviour of the people around you. It applies not only in close relationships,…
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I used to keep anger in my shadow. Not only did I hide it from others, but I didn’t understand why I needed it. Most of us are taught as a kid to suppress rage. It’s too difficult for our parents to deal with, it’s anti-social an unprofessional. I buy into that if it’s left…
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Sad, angry, happy, scared, ok or not ok – it’s ok. Recognise it. Feel it. Study it. Perhaps the feeling is useful in taking an action, maybe it helps you learn something about yourself, or it could be based on a misunderstanding. Regardless, I’ve seen personally that when I take action it leads to something…
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It happens, even to the most mature. So what can make us lose our composure? It can be one or a combination of physical and mental triggers. Physical Triggers Mental Triggers Holding your composure takes ongoing management, proactive self-care and a regular balancing of your physical and mental state. It’s important that we counter stress…
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Staying emotionally balanced is not about feeling calm all the time. It’s about staying connected to yourself when your emotions rise and fall, whether they come from your own internal world or from the people around you. A lot of emotional imbalance comes from what we absorb without noticing. Other people’s tension, frustration, or urgency…
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That’s what I write at the top of my pad during important meetings as a reminder for how I want to behave under pressure. And this is what I do before, during and after. Before During the session After I reflect on how it went. What I could do differently next time and give myself…
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Our mindset impacts how we feel and how we behave. We can have many mindsets. And even build and trigger our own. This is useful as part of our self-mastery journey to help us achieve our goals and behave in-line with our principles.
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I think you can have a rational view that all things considered you are ‘happy’. That can be a broad term that covers a number of things like satisfaction, contentment and optimism. It’s also possible that at the same time your mood says otherwise. You might feel flat at times. That happens to us all.
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Out of the seven habits of highly effective people, by Stephen Covey, this is my favorite. Understanding first creates stronger relationships because people feel heard; means there is less chance of making a mistake by suggest the wrong solution; helps reduce conflict by disarming emotional situations; and from a practical point of view, makes conversations…
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There are pros and cons to high EQ. The ability to self-regulate by understanding what you’re feeling and manage it well, is a huge strength in both work and life. When that sits alongside empathy and strong motivation, it can make someone especially steady and valuable to be around. They’re more able to keep going…
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Another great quote from smarter people than me. I remember reading this in my early 20’s and it stuck with me.
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Emotional intelligence (EI), often called emotional quotient (EQ), is the ability to recognise, understand and manage your own emotions while also recognising and responding effectively to the emotions of others. It involves emotional awareness, self-regulation, empathy and the ability to navigate relationships constructively. This concept became widely known through the work of psychologist Daniel Goleman,…
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It’s easy to get caught up in the constant of tasks, responsibilities, and distractions. However, engaging in the practice of self-reflection can be a transformative and invaluable tool on our journey of personal growth and self-discovery.
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Patience is one of the most difficult things to master, but vital to long term, meaningful success. I like to use the sand jar analogy…