Feelings are how we experience life, yet most of us were never taught about emotion and how to live and work with it.

These are the principles nobody gave us. They give guidance and structure in an otherwise complex emotional landscape.

These rules are used by The Wise within The Decision Maker, but they are universal and act as a blueprint to help us all understand emotion better.

1. Feelings are information

Every emotion is carrying a signal. The Warrior’s anger is telling you something feels unjust. The Willing’s anxiety is telling you something feels unsafe.

The feeling itself isn’t a problem — ignoring what it’s saying, or obeying it without question, is where things can go wrong.

Read the article: Emotions vs feelings, what’s the difference and why does it matter?

2. Feelings are real, but not always right

An emotional signal is worth understanding, but not always acting on. You get to decide.

The feeling may be genuine and yet still be misplaced — a reaction to a pattern, a misread situation, or an incomplete picture can mean we got it wrong.

3. We have one connected system

Our physical, mental and emotional states are three parts of the same system, and they shape each other constantly. Tiredness can be displayed as irritability. Hunger can feel like panic. An overwhelmed mind can become tension in our shoulders.

When something we feel doesn’t quite make sense, the answer is often in another state.

Read the article: Emotions vs feelings, what’s the difference and why does it matter?

4. Thoughts create feelings and vice versa

A thought can set a feeling off. The story we tell ourselves about a situation often decides how we end up feeling about it. But it works the other way too. A feeling can shape what we think, narrow what we notice, and pull our thinking in a particular direction without us realising. The loop runs in both directions, and most of the time we’re somewhere inside it.

Knowing which is leading isn’t always easy, but knowing the loop exists can make the difference.

5. What’s mine, what’s yours

I’m responsible for my feelings and behaviour. You’re responsible for yours.

We’re both responsible for the impact we have on each other, and for raising that thoughtfully when it matters.

Not everything needs to be voiced. But if we choose not to raise something, we need to let it go, not store it as resentment.

Read the article: Where are the lines of emotional responsibility

6. Emotions are contagious

How much depends on the state of everyone, the situation and context.

But when we laugh, others laugh with us (most of the time anyway).

Read the article: Emotional contagion

7. Feelings often turn up together

To be brave, you also have to feel fear. Grief exists because there is love. Anger protects what we care about.

Sometimes one feeling arrives alone, other times several at once. But the harder ones rarely exist by themselves.

The feeling you struggle with often exists because of what’s underneath it.