Maturity
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This was a subconscious belief I had, which ultimately fed my insecurities of being abandoned. It’s an unhealthy view because it’s not real life. My parents never fell out – or at least not that I ever saw. They prioritised each other and were constantly talking. They also believe in until death do us part.
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There’s every chance you will live with your difficulties at some level forever – that doesn’t mean they will be prominent all the time. Everyone has ‘issues’, the list of potential ones is long. In my experience we can get really good at recognising poor brain patterns, dysfunctional behaviours and negative feelings. Then become experts
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I like to face my feelings. Run at them head on until I resolve them. I find thinking, writing and talking are best. Researching too. I guess it depends on the feeling and how well I understand it. This approach isn’t the only way of course. Some people need space from everything and everyone. It’s
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This is one of the most grounding questions I can ask myself when I feel insecure, uncertain or overwhelmed.
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I’ve learnt the value of all emotions and I’m respectful of however I feel. That said I want to feel positive, optimistic and happy as often as possible. I observe the vulnerable side of me is still co-dependent to the feelings of some people in my life.
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I used to keep anger in my shadow. Not only did I hide it from others, but I didn’t understand why I needed it.
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Imagine someone on a tightrope – it might look precarious, unstable even. But there is great personal stability through balance. One of my highest values in life is a stable environment for me and my family. My drive for this was born from not having it as a child.
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Sad, angry, happy, scared, ok or not ok – it’s ok. Recognise it. Feel it. Study it.
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I believe that being selfish when everyone benefits is wise thinking. However we do need to be careful in our relationships that we don’t always put ourselves first.
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Most of us find it difficult saying no to others. That could be at work, friends asking if you want to go out or family asking you for a lift into town.
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It’s ok to be down from time to time, but prolonged gloom makes it difficult for you and your loved ones.
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There are two types of resilience, getting back up and being difficult to knock down in the first place.
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The foundation of self-mastery is being in control of your emotions and physical state as you go through your day.
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Discipline might feel like a sacrifice but it’s vital for personal and professional success. It instills habits, fosters consistency, and cultivates resilience.
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Maintaining a state of physical equilibrium not only looks after body, giving a greater chance of physical longevity, but we know it impacts our mental state too. Try balancing these 3 things.
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If you find yourself emotionally unsettled, try these 3 things…
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The core of self-mastery is emotional and physical stability. But what are the factors that, if unaddressed, push us beyond our limits?
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Emotional and physical regulation are two of the cornerstones of self-mastery and daily balance. Think of the people you consider to be wise and in control…even if you can’t ’see’ their physical equilibrium, you’ll recognise how well balanced their emotions are.
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Small talk fosters connections by creating a comfortable social environment. It establishes rapport, uncovers common ground, and helps people feel at ease.
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That’s what I write at the top of my pad during important meetings to act as a reminder for how I want to behave under pressure. And then I practice…
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Our mindset impacts how we feel and how we behave. We can have many mindsets. And even build and trigger our own. This is useful as part of our self-mastery journey to help us achieve our goals and behave in-line with our principles.
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The last 10% can often be the hardest, regardless of how long you’ve been going. It’s usually to do with expectation.
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As someone who leans towards logic and rational thinking, I find this one difficult to accept. But if I turn to the facts, based on my experience, I can see that the behaviors and moods of others, the weather and world events impact how I feel.
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I think you can have a rational view that all things considered you are ‘happy’. That can be a broad term that covers a number of things like satisfaction, contentment and optimism. It’s also possible that at the same time your mood says otherwise. You might feel flat at times. That happens to us all.
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Reading something in a book is a greater way to expand your knowledge. It’s then the application of that information and exposure to real life scenarios which builds your experience, maturity and wisdom.
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Out of the seven habits of highly effective people, by Stephen Covey, this is my favorite. Understanding first creates stronger relationships because people feel heard; means there is less chance of making a mistake by suggest the wrong solution; helps reduce conflict by disarming emotional situations; and from a practical point of view, makes conversations…
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If you suspect something might be about to ‘blow’ in one of your relationships, at work or any other area of life. Don’t bury your head in the sand…face it.
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All the pings, buzzes and bells from the dozens of channels that lead to you. You can’t (necessarily) stop them coming in, but you can step away…
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When you think about it logically, it’s better that if we can, we all work because it contributes to the economy – which whether we like it or not, enables the majority of us to live.
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Even important and meaningful things in your life can have scary, anxious moments. And it’s in those times you need to find the courage and self control to keep moving forward.
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Learning from others is one of the richest sources of knowledge towards self mastery. But not just those you spend the most time with.
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By ‘me’ I mean who ever is reading this (including actual me 😊) We are responsible for ourselves. The actions we take, our behaviors and what we spend time on.
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It’s going to happen. It could be a feeling of stress, being overwhelmed or like you literally have no more brain capacity.
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Talking is a great way to manage your emotions, get to a point of clarity and simply feel better. However, there are a couple of challenges I have observed…
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This is a controversial post. A provocative thought about some of our social media behavior. But there is a deeper message behind it.
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A farmer has a goose that lays golden eggs. He gets greedy wanting more and more eggs and becomes complacent in looking after the very thing that produces the gold. The goose dies and the eggs stop.
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Not aggressively, but with class and humility. Not without caring for others, but most definitely caring about you.
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The ability to self-regulate by controlling your feelings, having empathy and high levels of motivation is a huge strength when working and living with others.
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Another great quote from smarter people than me. I remember reading this in my early 20’s and it stuck with me.
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Emotional intelligence (EI), or emotional quotient (EQ), is your ability to recognise, understand, manage, and effectively use your emotions, as well as the emotions of others.
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You might be aware of the mind exercise where you ask someone to memorise everything in the room that’s red, then close their eyes and ask them to list 5 things that are blue.
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We can choose to define what makes us happy, how we spend our time and our response to any given situation. It doesn’t mean that external factors can’t have a negative impact on us and it doesn’t mean we ‘feel’ happy on the inside in every given moment.
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These are the top behaviors that sit at the heart of the best people I know. I tend to focus on practicing one in particular for a period of time. I think they are like anything else, the more your practice…
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One ‘kick’ isn’t enough to stay afloat. The need consistent and efficient movement to keep your head above the water.
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It’s easy to get caught up in the constant of tasks, responsibilities, and distractions. However, engaging in the practice of self-reflection can be a transformative and invaluable tool on our journey of personal growth and self-discovery.
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Patience is one of the most difficult things to master, but vital to long term, meaningful success. I like to use the sand jar analogy…
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You’d only design a process to get the best result. So by executing that, you’re focusing on what’s in your control. The danger of applying any focus to the outcome (once you’ve set a goal), is that you might get drawn outside of the deliberate process and compromise meeting your objective.
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What do you think will happen if you hang out with expert chefs, fast runners or people who laugh a lot?
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Be clear on what matters to you – your personal values, your goals, the people you love. Then create a plan, educate yourself and do what you think is right.
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The David Goggins mindset has its place – when the chips are down or you need to dig in. But it’s not realistic to live in a constant state of stress.
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Beware the unimportant disguised as urgent. Or the easier, nicer tasks luring you away from what really matters.
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We all make mistakes – that’s definitely ok. But when we already ‘know’, or continue to make the same mistakes…that’s when we need to pause and think about how to better apply our experience.
Actfullness 