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My loved ones, therapist, and even that discomfort in my gut have all told me the same thing—I lack balance in where I direct my focus and should put myself first more. But I’ve struggled with this, especially in my most important relationships and work. The very idea feels like it contradicts my core beliefs
This was a subconscious belief I had, which ultimately fed my insecurities of being abandoned. It’s an unhealthy view because it’s not real life. My parents never fell out – or at least not that I ever saw. They prioritised each other and were constantly talking. They also believe in until death do us part.
There’s every chance you will live with your difficulties at some level forever – that doesn’t mean they will be prominent all the time. Everyone has ‘issues’, the list of potential ones is long. In my experience we can get really good at recognising poor brain patterns, dysfunctional behaviours and negative feelings. Then become experts
I like to face my feelings. Run at them head on until I resolve them. I find thinking, writing and talking are best. Researching too. I guess it depends on the feeling and how well I understand it. This approach isn’t the only way of course. Some people need space from everything and everyone. It’s
Do you need time? What you with it does, because none of us know how much time we actually have. We can all consider how we spend our time and what feels best. Some of us choose the mindset that the world happens to us, others believe we get to drive. I think it’s a
Overwhelm is a state where the demands on you exceed your ability to cope, often leading to mental and emotional exhaustion – it’s real and can happen any any of us
Thinking about this can help you explore the complexity of human nature, the balance of emotions that shape our lives and the value of each emotion you consider
Guilt isn’t limited to moral failings; it can arise in everyday decisions. Sometimes, guilt stems from societal pressures or unrealistic expectations rather than genuine moral conflicts.
This is one of the most grounding questions I can ask myself when I feel insecure, uncertain or overwhelmed.
I’ve learnt the value of all emotions and I’m respectful of however I feel. That said I want to feel positive, optimistic and happy as often as possible. I observe the vulnerable side of me is still co-dependent to the feelings of some people in my life.
I used to keep anger in my shadow. Not only did I hide it from others, but I didn’t understand why I needed it.
I use my feelings and behaviours as signals that my mental health is dipping. But it takes self-awareness to notice and then take action
Imagine someone on a tightrope – it might look precarious, unstable even. But there is great personal stability through balance. One of my highest values in life is a stable environment for me and my family. My drive for this was born from not having it as a child.
When trauma happens and you find yourself in hell, hold onto the fact that we are designed to find meaning.
Oversharing is a thing. But so is suppressing your thoughts and feelings. Perhaps we fear boring someone, being judged or facing disagreement. But sharing what you really think, what’s really on your mind leads to gold.
Another piece of gold that my sister helped me see. When you think of something, it creates a feeling. Action can then follow, or indeed thoughts plus associated actions further strengthen feelings.
Sad, angry, happy, scared, ok or not ok – it’s ok. Recognise it. Feel it. Study it.
Not because you’ll be liked more, but because you’ll attract people who you’re more compatible with. It’s only fair on you and those who may fall in love with you.
Part of self-mastery is finding new insights, but sometimes the key to your brain knot might be something you’ve already learnt, you just haven’t realised it applies to the situation you’re in.
There is happiness in an upward trajectory, not just in moving forward or your current position in any given part of your life.
This is one from Arnold Schwarzenegger and it’s a good one. Help around the house, contribute to conversations, say yes to the difficult, be a positive presence.
This applies to your room, desk, car or anything else like that. Life is fast paced for most of us and that can mean we deprioritise tidying up. Sometimes that’s the right thing to do. But the more I grow the more I see the importance of less things and a tidier space.
I believe that being selfish when everyone benefits is wise thinking. However we do need to be careful in our relationships that we don’t always put ourselves first.
Most of us find it difficult saying no to others. That could be at work, friends asking if you want to go out or family asking you for a lift into town.
It’s ok to be down from time to time, but prolonged gloom makes it difficult for you and your loved ones.
There are two types of resilience, getting back up and being difficult to knock down in the first place.
The foundation of self-mastery is being in control of your emotions and physical state as you go through your day.
Discipline might feel like a sacrifice but it’s vital for personal and professional success. It instills habits, fosters consistency, and cultivates resilience.
Maintaining a state of physical equilibrium not only looks after body, giving a greater chance of physical longevity, but we know it impacts our mental state too. Try balancing these 3 things.
If you find yourself emotionally unsettled, try these 3 things…
The core of self-mastery is emotional and physical stability. But what are the factors that, if unaddressed, push us beyond our limits?
Emotional and physical regulation are two of the cornerstones of self-mastery and daily balance. Think of the people you consider to be wise and in control…even if you can’t ’see’ their physical equilibrium, you’ll recognise how well balanced their emotions are.
Self-mastery is the conscious and disciplined control over your thoughts, emotions, and actions. It involves understanding your strengths and weaknesses, setting clear goals, and consistently working towards personal development. By cultivating self-awareness and resilience, you can navigate challenges with composure, make informed decisions, and maintain a positive mindset. Ultimately, self-mastery empowers you to lead a
Small talk fosters connections by creating a comfortable social environment. It establishes rapport, uncovers common ground, and helps people feel at ease.
That’s what I write at the top of my pad during important meetings to act as a reminder for how I want to behave under pressure. And then I practice…
Our mindset impacts how we feel and how we behave. We can have many mindsets. And even build and trigger our own. This is useful as part of our self-mastery journey to help us achieve our goals and behave in-line with our principles.
The last 10% can often be the hardest, regardless of how long you’ve been going. It’s usually to do with expectation.
You need fuel to move forward. It can be negative or positive fuel. Negative fuel might be proving someone wrong, revenge, fear, power or greed.
As someone who leans towards logic and rational thinking, I find this one difficult to accept. But if I turn to the facts, based on my experience, I can see that the behaviors and moods of others, the weather and world events impact how I feel.
I think you can have a rational view that all things considered you are ‘happy’. That can be a broad term that covers a number of things like satisfaction, contentment and optimism. It’s also possible that at the same time your mood says otherwise. You might feel flat at times. That happens to us all.
I love this saying. It combines youthful freedom with grit and determination. It’s an expression of attitude.
Reading something in a book is a greater way to expand your knowledge. It’s then the application of that information and exposure to real life scenarios which builds your experience, maturity and wisdom.
Out of the seven habits of highly effective people, by Stephen Covey, this is my favorite. Understanding first creates stronger relationships because people feel heard; means there is less chance of making a mistake by suggest the wrong solution; helps reduce conflict by disarming emotional situations; and from a practical point of view, makes conversations more productive.
The happiness equation is complicated at times. Usually because of our emotions. Let’s use work as an example. Say you feel like you’ve given all you want to for a company…
If you suspect something might be about to ‘blow’ in one of your relationships, at work or any other area of life. Don’t bury your head in the sand…face it.
All the pings, buzzes and bells from the dozens of channels that lead to you. You can’t (necessarily) stop them coming in, but you can step away…
When you think about it logically, it’s better that if we can, we all work because it contributes to the economy – which whether we like it or not, enables the majority of us to live.
Even important and meaningful things in your life can have scary, anxious moments. And it’s in those times you need to find the courage and self control to keep moving forward.
Learning from others is one of the richest sources of knowledge towards self mastery. But not just those you spend the most time with.
By ‘me’ I mean who ever is reading this (including actual me 😊) We are responsible for ourselves. The actions we take, our behaviors and what we spend time on.
Our brain is what experiences things, but at a very basic level our body is the vehicle which we use to move through life. So we need to look after it.
It’s going to happen. It could be a feeling of stress, being overwhelmed or like you literally have no more brain capacity.
Talking is a great way to manage your emotions, get to a point of clarity and simply feel better. However, there are a couple of challenges I have observed…
This is a controversial post. A provocative thought about some of our social media behavior. But there is a deeper message behind it.
A farmer has a goose that lays golden eggs. He gets greedy wanting more and more eggs and becomes complacent in looking after the very thing that produces the gold. The goose dies and the eggs stop.
Not aggressively, but with class and humility. Not without caring for others, but most definitely caring about you.
Once you’ve decided on something you want to achieve, have given enough thought about how, then it’s time to act. Not tomorrow or in five minutes, now.
The ability to self-regulate by controlling your feelings, having empathy and high levels of motivation is a huge strength when working and living with others.
One of my principles is to never quit the important things in life – my parents used to give up a lot which I resolved never to do. Being trustworthy is also important to me, so if I say I’m going to do something, I need to stick to my word. Then there’s the completer finisher in me and I’m some scenarios the loyalty angle.
Another great quote from smarter people than me. I remember reading this in my early 20’s and it stuck with me.
Emotional intelligence (EI), or emotional quotient (EQ), is your ability to recognise, understand, manage, and effectively use your emotions, as well as the emotions of others.
You might be aware of the mind exercise where you ask someone to memorise everything in the room that’s red, then close their eyes and ask them to list 5 things that are blue.
Would I rather have not been through trauma. At the time yes, and at times later in life also yes. But has it given me benefit? Definitely.
There have been times where I’ve felt work ‘gets in the way’ of the important things in life. It takes your time and energy, often out of ‘work hours’ too as you think about the challenges you face.
We can choose to define what makes us happy, how we spend our time and our response to any given situation. It doesn’t mean that external factors can’t have a negative impact on us and it doesn’t mean we ‘feel’ happy on the inside in every given moment.
If you include a broader set of feelings such as fulfilment, contentment and satisfaction. Plus you accept feelings come and go; vary in their intensity; and are impacted by your body chemistry and surroundings, then I say yes it is.
We know from experience that trust is the primary ingredient of strong relationships, long standing careers and even what we think of ourselves.
I’ve used exercise for things like a vehicle for self-mastery, headspace for self-reflection and more. But its role needs careful thought.
These are the top behaviors that sit at the heart of the best people I know. I tend to focus on practicing one in particular for a period of time. I think they are like anything else, the more your practice…
You might have the time, but not the mental capacity or physical energy to do something meaningful. Equally, it could be the other way around…
One ‘kick’ isn’t enough to stay afloat. The need consistent and efficient movement to keep your head above the water.
You can do more than one thing at once. Like walking and writing this post, or brushing your teeth in the shower. However you can’t concentrate on two things at the same time.
I’m a better dad, husband and colleague when I exercise. So although it uses time that I can’t get back (which others might argue could be better spent), for me and those I’m with, it’s a good investment.
For me, happiness is made up from the following ingredients: relationships with loved ones, personal growth, helping others in their journey, living, exploring and enjoy what the world has to offer. We all get to choose our own recipe, but the ingredients list is the same…
I believe the meaning of life, is life itself. By that I mean we’re here to continue evolving the human race and to preserve life. With that in mind, the one thing we should all put a bit more focus into is the health of our planet. Because without it, happiness is irrelevant.
I’m less sure on this one, but I hope so. I don’t personally believe in heaven and hell, gods and devils. And I don’t know about ghosts, but…
I don’t personally think so. I haven’t seen any evidence or heard any logic that anyone ‘made’ earth or controls outcomes. I think we evolved and create our own paths.
The bottom line is, I don’t know. But I can buy into the idea that other life forms exist. Why? Because…
I don’t personally believe that anyone made us. The most plausible reason I’ve heard that we exist is evolution.
It’s easy to get caught up in the constant of tasks, responsibilities, and distractions. However, engaging in the practice of self-reflection can be a transformative and invaluable tool on our journey of personal growth and self-discovery.
Take a moment to think about how you feel when someone talks over you, rushes you along or simply doesn’t listen to what you’ve said. Conversely, consider the feeling of being understood…
Patience is one of the most difficult things to master, but vital to long term, meaningful success. I like to use the sand jar analogy…
You’d only design a process to get the best result. So by executing that, you’re focusing on what’s in your control. The danger of applying any focus to the outcome (once you’ve set a goal), is that you might get drawn outside of the deliberate process and compromise meeting your objective.
We apply planning to so many situations, but rarely life itself. If you feel lost at times or simply that you’d like to make more of yourself, then make a plan. I’ve always used this basic structure…
What do you think will happen if you hang out with expert chefs, fast runners or people who laugh a lot?
Be clear on what matters to you – your personal values, your goals, the people you love. Then create a plan, educate yourself and do what you think is right.
If success in one area of your life takes you away from the more meaningful ones. Maybe your job means time away from your family or is impacting your health.
The David Goggins mindset has its place – when the chips are down or you need to dig in. But it’s not realistic to live in a constant state of stress.
Beware the unimportant disguised as urgent. Or the easier, nicer tasks luring you away from what really matters.
You can grow through consistent, but easier exposure to ‘stress’. But the big growth comes from carrying on when you want to stop. This should only be applied to the important things.
Unloading the dishwasher, buying them that little gift, letting them be themself. That’s love. Love the feeling stems from that. Lust is different…and good to keep alive too.
We all make mistakes – that’s definitely ok. But when we already ‘know’, or continue to make the same mistakes…that’s when we need to pause and think about how to better apply our experience.
Actfullness 