Little reminders
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There’s every chance you will live with your difficulties at some level forever – that doesn’t mean they will be prominent all the time. Everyone has ‘issues’, the list of potential ones is long. In my experience we can get really good at recognising poor brain patterns, dysfunctional behaviours and negative feelings. Then become experts
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Do you need time? What you with it does, because none of us know how much time we actually have. We can all consider how we spend our time and what feels best. Some of us choose the mindset that the world happens to us, others believe we get to drive. I think it’s a
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I’ve learnt the value of all emotions and I’m respectful of however I feel. That said I want to feel positive, optimistic and happy as often as possible. I observe the vulnerable side of me is still co-dependent to the feelings of some people in my life.
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When trauma happens and you find yourself in hell, hold onto the fact that we are designed to find meaning.
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Oversharing is a thing. But so is suppressing your thoughts and feelings. Perhaps we fear boring someone, being judged or facing disagreement. But sharing what you really think, what’s really on your mind leads to gold.
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Not because you’ll be liked more, but because you’ll attract people who you’re more compatible with. It’s only fair on you and those who may fall in love with you.
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Part of self-mastery is finding new insights, but sometimes the key to your brain knot might be something you’ve already learnt, you just haven’t realised it applies to the situation you’re in.
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There is happiness in an upward trajectory, not just in moving forward or your current position in any given part of your life.
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This is one from Arnold Schwarzenegger and it’s a good one. Help around the house, contribute to conversations, say yes to the difficult, be a positive presence.
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This applies to your room, desk, car or anything else like that. Life is fast paced for most of us and that can mean we deprioritise tidying up. Sometimes that’s the right thing to do. But the more I grow the more I see the importance of less things and a tidier space.
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I believe that being selfish when everyone benefits is wise thinking. However we do need to be careful in our relationships that we don’t always put ourselves first.
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Most of us find it difficult saying no to others. That could be at work, friends asking if you want to go out or family asking you for a lift into town.
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It’s ok to be down from time to time, but prolonged gloom makes it difficult for you and your loved ones.
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There are two types of resilience, getting back up and being difficult to knock down in the first place.
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The foundation of self-mastery is being in control of your emotions and physical state as you go through your day.
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Discipline might feel like a sacrifice but it’s vital for personal and professional success. It instills habits, fosters consistency, and cultivates resilience.
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Maintaining a state of physical equilibrium not only looks after body, giving a greater chance of physical longevity, but we know it impacts our mental state too. Try balancing these 3 things.
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The core of self-mastery is emotional and physical stability. But what are the factors that, if unaddressed, push us beyond our limits?
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Emotional and physical regulation are two of the cornerstones of self-mastery and daily balance. Think of the people you consider to be wise and in control…even if you can’t ’see’ their physical equilibrium, you’ll recognise how well balanced their emotions are.
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Self-mastery is the conscious and disciplined control over your thoughts, emotions, and actions. It involves understanding your strengths and weaknesses, setting clear goals, and consistently working towards personal development. By cultivating self-awareness and resilience, you can navigate challenges with composure, make informed decisions, and maintain a positive mindset. Ultimately, self-mastery empowers you to lead a
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Small talk fosters connections by creating a comfortable social environment. It establishes rapport, uncovers common ground, and helps people feel at ease.
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The last 10% can often be the hardest, regardless of how long you’ve been going. It’s usually to do with expectation.
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You need fuel to move forward. It can be negative or positive fuel. Negative fuel might be proving someone wrong, revenge, fear, power or greed.
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As someone who leans towards logic and rational thinking, I find this one difficult to accept. But if I turn to the facts, based on my experience, I can see that the behaviors and moods of others, the weather and world events impact how I feel.
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I think you can have a rational view that all things considered you are ‘happy’. That can be a broad term that covers a number of things like satisfaction, contentment and optimism. It’s also possible that at the same time your mood says otherwise. You might feel flat at times. That happens to us all.
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I love this saying. It combines youthful freedom with grit and determination. It’s an expression of attitude.
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Reading something in a book is a greater way to expand your knowledge. It’s then the application of that information and exposure to real life scenarios which builds your experience, maturity and wisdom.
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Out of the seven habits of highly effective people, by Stephen Covey, this is my favorite. Understanding first creates stronger relationships because people feel heard; means there is less chance of making a mistake by suggest the wrong solution; helps reduce conflict by disarming emotional situations; and from a practical point of view, makes conversations…
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The happiness equation is complicated at times. Usually because of our emotions. Let’s use work as an example. Say you feel like you’ve given all you want to for a company…
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If you suspect something might be about to ‘blow’ in one of your relationships, at work or any other area of life. Don’t bury your head in the sand…face it.
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When you think about it logically, it’s better that if we can, we all work because it contributes to the economy – which whether we like it or not, enables the majority of us to live.
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Even important and meaningful things in your life can have scary, anxious moments. And it’s in those times you need to find the courage and self control to keep moving forward.
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Learning from others is one of the richest sources of knowledge towards self mastery. But not just those you spend the most time with.
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By ‘me’ I mean who ever is reading this (including actual me 😊) We are responsible for ourselves. The actions we take, our behaviors and what we spend time on.
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Our brain is what experiences things, but at a very basic level our body is the vehicle which we use to move through life. So we need to look after it.
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This is a controversial post. A provocative thought about some of our social media behavior. But there is a deeper message behind it.
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A farmer has a goose that lays golden eggs. He gets greedy wanting more and more eggs and becomes complacent in looking after the very thing that produces the gold. The goose dies and the eggs stop.
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Not aggressively, but with class and humility. Not without caring for others, but most definitely caring about you.
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Once you’ve decided on something you want to achieve, have given enough thought about how, then it’s time to act. Not tomorrow or in five minutes, now.
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The ability to self-regulate by controlling your feelings, having empathy and high levels of motivation is a huge strength when working and living with others.
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One of my principles is to never quit the important things in life – my parents used to give up a lot which I resolved never to do. Being trustworthy is also important to me, so if I say I’m going to do something, I need to stick to my word. Then there’s the completer…
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Another great quote from smarter people than me. I remember reading this in my early 20’s and it stuck with me.
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Emotional intelligence (EI), or emotional quotient (EQ), is your ability to recognise, understand, manage, and effectively use your emotions, as well as the emotions of others.
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You might be aware of the mind exercise where you ask someone to memorise everything in the room that’s red, then close their eyes and ask them to list 5 things that are blue.
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Would I rather have not been through trauma. At the time yes, and at times later in life also yes. But has it given me benefit? Definitely.
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There have been times where I’ve felt work ‘gets in the way’ of the important things in life. It takes your time and energy, often out of ‘work hours’ too as you think about the challenges you face.
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We can choose to define what makes us happy, how we spend our time and our response to any given situation. It doesn’t mean that external factors can’t have a negative impact on us and it doesn’t mean we ‘feel’ happy on the inside in every given moment.
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If you include a broader set of feelings such as fulfilment, contentment and satisfaction. Plus you accept feelings come and go; vary in their intensity; and are impacted by your body chemistry and surroundings, then I say yes it is.
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We know from experience that trust is the primary ingredient of strong relationships, long standing careers and even what we think of ourselves.
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I’ve used exercise for things like a vehicle for self-mastery, headspace for self-reflection and more. But its role needs careful thought.
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These are the top behaviors that sit at the heart of the best people I know. I tend to focus on practicing one in particular for a period of time. I think they are like anything else, the more your practice…
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You might have the time, but not the mental capacity or physical energy to do something meaningful. Equally, it could be the other way around…
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One ‘kick’ isn’t enough to stay afloat. The need consistent and efficient movement to keep your head above the water.
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You can do more than one thing at once. Like walking and writing this post, or brushing your teeth in the shower. However you can’t concentrate on two things at the same time.
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I’m a better dad, husband and colleague when I exercise. So although it uses time that I can’t get back (which others might argue could be better spent), for me and those I’m with, it’s a good investment.
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It’s easy to get caught up in the constant of tasks, responsibilities, and distractions. However, engaging in the practice of self-reflection can be a transformative and invaluable tool on our journey of personal growth and self-discovery.
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Take a moment to think about how you feel when someone talks over you, rushes you along or simply doesn’t listen to what you’ve said. Conversely, consider the feeling of being understood…
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You’d only design a process to get the best result. So by executing that, you’re focusing on what’s in your control. The danger of applying any focus to the outcome (once you’ve set a goal), is that you might get drawn outside of the deliberate process and compromise meeting your objective.
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What do you think will happen if you hang out with expert chefs, fast runners or people who laugh a lot?
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Be clear on what matters to you – your personal values, your goals, the people you love. Then create a plan, educate yourself and do what you think is right.
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If success in one area of your life takes you away from the more meaningful ones. Maybe your job means time away from your family or is impacting your health.
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The David Goggins mindset has its place – when the chips are down or you need to dig in. But it’s not realistic to live in a constant state of stress.
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Beware the unimportant disguised as urgent. Or the easier, nicer tasks luring you away from what really matters.
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You can grow through consistent, but easier exposure to ‘stress’. But the big growth comes from carrying on when you want to stop. This should only be applied to the important things.
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Unloading the dishwasher, buying them that little gift, letting them be themself. That’s love. Love the feeling stems from that. Lust is different…and good to keep alive too.
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We all make mistakes – that’s definitely ok. But when we already ‘know’, or continue to make the same mistakes…that’s when we need to pause and think about how to better apply our experience.
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When you rush to tidy up and smash a glass on the floor… Slow down. Be deliberate in which tasks matter most towards your goal. Accept you may, or may not ever finish – or at least not in the time you want. Just read about the tortoise and the hare.
Actfullness 