Like most people, my body relationship started as a hit puberty.

Body fat was a focus for my family. My parents judged others…passers by and family members.

I remember “oh just lose some weight” being blurted out in the car…it makes me cringe. Thankfully the windows were shut so that person didn’t hear.

Little comments about ‘your buddha belly’ creates insecurity.

Then there are the general challenges of teenage years and the want to attract others. Let’s just say I was always in the friend zone! Which I’m now really pleased about.

I started trying to lose weight at about 11 and then chasing the ‘lean dream’ when I was about 15…

I’ve been ‘skinny’ a few times. But it was never executed in a controlled and well understood way. I’ve taken some unhealthy measures that were born from frustration and a lack of maturity.

I was fueled by negatives. That tripped me up a lot.

Over 26 years I built up a bunch of knowledge and experience…and I failed and failed…and failed…and…failed!

I lacked three things:

• The wisdom to change my drive to a positively charged one
• The maturity to manage my emotions
• The maturity to apply one of the missing pieces of knowledge that I’d come across very early on, but overlooked as unimportant, and that was taking care of my blood sugar

So at age 41, I achieved my goal of being lean.

No longer for aesthetical reasons or to stick the finger up at my parents who could never do it. But because it supports my health and longevity.

The secret is, there is no secret

This is a summary of what it took me all that time to get right:

• Have a positive reason that drives your body health
• Be in a calorie deficit (to get lean and then you can equalize your energy needs)
• When it comes to the losing fat part – just chip away a bit each day, be patient. If you fall off, get back on. Be kind to yourself.
• Take care of your blood sugar (this is a topic on its own)
• Include high nutrient, low processed foods
• Find other ways that food to manage your emotions (Huge topic!)
• Exercise helps, but it still comes back to being in a deficit (again, this is a big topic on the value of each type of exercise)

I’m glad I didn’t give up. And it really was mostly maturity and wisdom, but also that one key missing piece of knowledge (or really, the maturity to respect and apply it).

I could have also achieved it must faster if I’d have got help from those more mature than me. But that’s another self-mastery spotlight story.