I’ve learnt the value of all emotions and I’m respectful of however I feel. That said I want to feel positive, optimistic and happy as often as possible. I observe the vulnerable side of me is still co-dependent on the feelings of some people in my life.

I believe a level of maturity exists where we can be empathetic and open to being loved without having our emotional state at the mercy of the world around us. I also think we can be vulnerable in loving someone (accepting that one day there will be trauma to overcome when you or they pass) and still be emotionally independent ‘day to day’.

I see these as high levels of emotional independence:

1. Noticing ALL our feelings and giving them respect
2. Creating feelings through deliberate thought and experiences
3. Not taking on the emotions of others
4. Not having our emotions influenced by the actions of others or the world around us
5. Not needing someone else’s emotions to fuel our own

At the time of writing this, I’ve reached a natural state of noticing all my feelings and I’ve got much better at respecting them and seeing their value. I’m practicing creating feelings when I think it’s the right to do, and I’m making good progress with not picking up other people’s emotions or being influenced by the world around me. The one area I struggle with is ‘needing’ the love of a partner to feel whole. As natural as that is, I’d like to reach a place where I ‘want’ but don’t ‘need’ the action of someone else to feel complete.

A good example is when you’re building a new relationship and your momentary happiness hinges on someone’s response to a message. Which is what has sparked me to write this post.

How do you develop emotional independence?

• Practice self-awareness and self-reflection
• Care about what you think (You can still be open to others opinion)
• Do what you want to do (You should still be willing to compromise and do things for others)
• Know your self worth
• Positive self-talk

It takes time and repetition. There might be a fear that you’ll go too far and not have room for others in your life. As long as you stay self-aware, you won’t. Visualize being in the eye of the storm – you’re calm, taking input from the storm around you and then making your own choices.