Out of the seven habits of highly effective people by Stephen R Covey/Franklin Covey, this is my favorite.

Understanding first creates stronger relationships because people feel heard; means there is less chance of making a mistake by suggesting the wrong solution; helps reduce conflict by disarming emotional situations; and from a practical point of view, makes conversations more productive.

It encourages listening and requires high levels of emotional intelligence, because the objective is to see someone else’s perspective. And to do that, you need the ability to empathize with them. You also need self-mastery to put someone else first when trying to untangle an emotional or complex situation. As well as the ability to ask good questions and listen.

Creating the space to be understood

Most people find it hard to listen when they have something on their mind. So letting them get everything off their chest and feel understood first, paves the way for you to help them see something differently (if that’s required).

It’s great with a 3 year old having a tantrum, or when working with a client during a sales process.

So try asking and listening with the intent to understand, and see if it makes a difference in your relationships.