This was a subconscious belief I had, which ultimately fed my insecurities of being abandoned. It’s an unhealthy view because it’s not real life.

My parents never fell out – or at least not that I ever saw. They prioritised each other and were constantly talking. They also believe in until death do us part.

I didn’t realise that I thought that was normal. More than that, it’s what I expected. I think it’s good to strive for a smooth relationship and to manage your emotions – it’s just that if you don’t reframe things, you’re a) set up to fail and b) likely to be knocked off balance from time to time.

It’s more complex for me due to my abandonment insecurities which can mean:

• I people please at times
• I prioritise others over myself
• I get anxious if my partner is off balance and assume it’s me

There are great outcomes of this insecurity and I’ve taken the positive behaviours as part of me now I.e. I love serving others, giving the people I love a smile.

It’s the anxiety/paranoia I get if my partner is upset that’s the negative side. It can mean they don’t want to say what’s on their mind because they’re worried about triggering me, but that means they can’t fully be themselves – which isn’t fair or a strong foundation for a healthy relationship.

I own my insecurities and anxieties

I needed to start understanding and accepting that sometimes you might fall out, or your partner is going through a rough patch and that’s not because of you. And it in no way means that they are going to leave you.

I had to reframe those times as opportunities to understand my partner, be there for her in what ever way she needs, and not to create an emotional gap – because that gap makes you a little out of reach, which then becomes a self fulfilling outcome.